So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
