I just cut my nipple shaving
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
