I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
