I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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