watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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