how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
