In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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