I wannas sexs uuuuu
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
