if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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