Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize