Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
