I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize