So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
