This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
