Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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