it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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