So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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