Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
