I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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