Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
