Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
