I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize