i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
