Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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