Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
