Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
