the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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