Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize