she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
