susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize