margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
