We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
