I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
it's like iHOP with fire
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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