He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
a search helicopter?!
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
