haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Someone shit on the floor
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Randomize
