have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I am midnight drunk by noon
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
