She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
