DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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