my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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