Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
i think my cat just said my name.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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