I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
