we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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