you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
