I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
