its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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