Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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