Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My penis needs a shock collar
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
