Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize