I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
