So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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