Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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