you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
