I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
