some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
