First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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