I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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