You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
