you would pick up someone in the library
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
