he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Randomize
