mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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