When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
