But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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