I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
