I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
