Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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