I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
