He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
