I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
