And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
