you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
