Where are you?
In a non slutty way
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
