I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
