morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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