I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
