Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
