Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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