you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
