Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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