Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize