She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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