I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize