I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
