my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
