Screwed.edu
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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