Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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