i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
