I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
