i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
