her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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