you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
My vagina just recognized that song.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
