Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
