I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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