we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
birth control should be required to get into college
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
